And here we are...past my due date...and not particularly happy about it today.
The plus side: Christmas Eve was a roaring success. It was wonderful to be able to host the evening at home with our family and I felt quite well until around 9:30pm. Not too shabby in my estimation.
The down side: I get bigger every.single.day. Its actually a joke. I'm bigger, but no heavier than I was last week. Thank you Lord for small mercies!
The low down: At my doctor's appointment today, I had an exam. Sigh. I realise that with an impending delivery of my child, I shouldn't still be squeamish about this, but I am. The doctor was surprised that I had not experienced any contractions yet since my cervix is 90% thinned out and I am already 3cm dilated. Pardon moi? 3 cm?? That does not in any way fit in with my "going into labour" plan which involved:
1. Water breaks.
2. Start dilating from 0.
3. Shower, blow dry hair and put lovely lotion all over my body so that I feel as feminine as possible going into this horrendously humiliating, unpredictable and undoubtedly painful experience in a crappy thin hospital gown.
4. Measure time between contractions and since labour starts out slowly, take time to tidy house, unload dishwasher and write some update emails.
5. Measure time between contractions, feed dog, let her out and make arrangements for someone to come and look after her.
6. Call hospital, fill car with petrol and drive at a decent hour, missing traffic, to avoid stress and hassle, to the hospital.
7. Arrive at hospital, check in with labour and assessment and walk the halls while waiting to reach 4cm dilation so that I can ask for the epidural.
So.....when she told me that I was already 3cm dilated...the plan became moot. So I went out for coffee with my mom instead. And then bought some groceries for easy meals (thank you Stricklands!!) and then picked James up from work early. Because, well, because he loves me and he was terribly concerned.
The plus side: None of the male doctors are on call tomorrow or Saturday - small mercies extended. This one I am massively thankful for. Induction is scheduled for Saturday so that if the contractions don't start before then, we will have a baby come Sunday - one way or another!
The down side: I am at home, cramping and achy, with no contractions yet, a plan that's gone to pot and feeling a bit concerned about not being able to do what I wanted to do to prepare for labour.
The other plus side: My husband is amazing. We came home, cleaned the kitchen and living room, did dishes and cleaned surfaces and recycling and bins and shovelled the driveway so that I can feel a bit more relaxed about coming home with a new baby. I am about to go shower and then we are going to relax (well, he'll relax, I'll grimace in a statutory position) while watching a film on the laptop.
And now you all know. This is where we stand. I'm nervous, I'm leaning towards acceptance, but mostly I am annoyed. That this labour hasn't started out the way "it's supposed to", that women have to deliver big babies and that my husband is so cheerful about the imminent arrival of his son and expressing it by whistling and dancing around the house while I breathe through the pain. And the most annoying of all : I wanted this.
Things people have said to me that I am C.L.I.N.G.I.N.G to:
"Don't make a scene, just get in, and get it done" - a Friend's mum
"You'll be so filled with love the moment he's here, you'll forget the pain" - A variation from numerous
"HAVE FUN!!" - A friend's 2 year old daughter
Thursday 27 December 2012
Tuesday 18 December 2012
39...and 3 days
Ahhhh...the watermelon. It used to be one of my favourite fruits. Now that I have identified it with this growing baby in me? Not so much. Not only is he the size of a "oooohhh yeah, get THAT one" watermelon, but my belly is as hard as a watermelon shell as well. I could fall over and I'd probably bounce.
Unlike some baby bellies that are just round, this one looks like a prosthetic. When I face the mirror, you can see the outline of the uterus and it really does look like someone has glued a watermelon to my front and then puttied over it.
No, my hospital bag is still not packed. I think its because I have a "when my labour starts" to-do list that includes:
Almost every woman I've spoken to has said that she wishes she spent more time at home during the first stage of labour. So I'm taking some advice. Every hospital brochure and online resource tells us to "sleep" and "rest" and "be calm" during the first stage until the contractions reach that 5 minute point. I'm fairly certain that if I am in pain, I will not be able to sleep, nor rest, nor relax. So I might as well be productive!
I want to touch on something here: I've had so many lovely emails and notes lately from friends and family asking about my excitement to meet Baby for the first time. I've had people ask if I just can't wait to go into labour. The truth is: Yes, I do need to go into labour, STAT, because we have Christmas Eve fast approaching. However, No, I am not excited. And it isn't only anxiety over the delivery - though there is some.
We are just not...excited.
I have no doubt that we'll be overwhelmed with love once he's here, and that we'll be so thankful for him. But right now? Right now, we're both struggling to deal with the loss of "us". Yes, I know it sounds selfish, but I'm speaking truth here folks. Like it or lump it. We're struggling to come to terms with zero down time between the big life changes we've had this past year. I think it's good to be honest about this, even though it doesn't sound nice. Some women really really love to be pregnant. Some women can't wait to meet their newborn. Some women are wholly identified by the fact that they are pregnant. I'm just not one of those women. Once my pregnancy cleared the "Safe Marker" of 16 weeks, it became a sideline. We had too much going on for me to be lying on the couch feeling unwell, or shopping for maternity clothes, or worrying about a nursery or doing prenatal yoga or classes. Life goes on, at a frantic speed. I had to keep up.
Before you heap mounds of tsk-ing and sighing on me, you should know that its just my personality. We just had to get on with our daily living.
So when I felt really unwell and had intensifying pain which began Sunday afternoon and continued through to bed on Monday evening, I thought "oh good, I'm going to go into labour tonight or tomorrow, and that'll be good because we'll still have the weekend before Christmas and James will get a solid 5 days off at home".
And when I woke up this morning and the pain had completely subsided, I was pretty frustrated. No baby Dawson on Dec.18th. Perhaps the time will be right on Dec.20th.
The gist:
Emotionally - I am anxious, but not excited. Preparing for and accepting the unpredictability of our future life as a family.
Physically - I'm a lovely 20lbs up from my pre-baby weight, and carrying a flesh coloured watermelon in front of me. Aches and pains, no contractions. No swelling either though - thank you Lord.
Unlike some baby bellies that are just round, this one looks like a prosthetic. When I face the mirror, you can see the outline of the uterus and it really does look like someone has glued a watermelon to my front and then puttied over it.
No, my hospital bag is still not packed. I think its because I have a "when my labour starts" to-do list that includes:- showering,
- blow drying my hair,
- painting my nails,
- packing my bag,
- emailing/texting/calling family
- unloading/reloading the dishwasher
Almost every woman I've spoken to has said that she wishes she spent more time at home during the first stage of labour. So I'm taking some advice. Every hospital brochure and online resource tells us to "sleep" and "rest" and "be calm" during the first stage until the contractions reach that 5 minute point. I'm fairly certain that if I am in pain, I will not be able to sleep, nor rest, nor relax. So I might as well be productive!
I want to touch on something here: I've had so many lovely emails and notes lately from friends and family asking about my excitement to meet Baby for the first time. I've had people ask if I just can't wait to go into labour. The truth is: Yes, I do need to go into labour, STAT, because we have Christmas Eve fast approaching. However, No, I am not excited. And it isn't only anxiety over the delivery - though there is some.
We are just not...excited.
I have no doubt that we'll be overwhelmed with love once he's here, and that we'll be so thankful for him. But right now? Right now, we're both struggling to deal with the loss of "us". Yes, I know it sounds selfish, but I'm speaking truth here folks. Like it or lump it. We're struggling to come to terms with zero down time between the big life changes we've had this past year. I think it's good to be honest about this, even though it doesn't sound nice. Some women really really love to be pregnant. Some women can't wait to meet their newborn. Some women are wholly identified by the fact that they are pregnant. I'm just not one of those women. Once my pregnancy cleared the "Safe Marker" of 16 weeks, it became a sideline. We had too much going on for me to be lying on the couch feeling unwell, or shopping for maternity clothes, or worrying about a nursery or doing prenatal yoga or classes. Life goes on, at a frantic speed. I had to keep up.
Before you heap mounds of tsk-ing and sighing on me, you should know that its just my personality. We just had to get on with our daily living.
So when I felt really unwell and had intensifying pain which began Sunday afternoon and continued through to bed on Monday evening, I thought "oh good, I'm going to go into labour tonight or tomorrow, and that'll be good because we'll still have the weekend before Christmas and James will get a solid 5 days off at home".
And when I woke up this morning and the pain had completely subsided, I was pretty frustrated. No baby Dawson on Dec.18th. Perhaps the time will be right on Dec.20th.
The gist:
Emotionally - I am anxious, but not excited. Preparing for and accepting the unpredictability of our future life as a family.
Physically - I'm a lovely 20lbs up from my pre-baby weight, and carrying a flesh coloured watermelon in front of me. Aches and pains, no contractions. No swelling either though - thank you Lord.
Wednesday 5 December 2012
Full Term! And a bit...again...
So the 37 week mark arrived and passed without much ado. Unless you consider the excellent graduation parade we attended last week. It was long, and it was crowded but when James' class marched into the hall and stood in front of us, I couldn't help but cry. Quite a bit. I was so proud of him and so thankful to God for having brought us this far in a year. And while I know that he has completed this type of training and graduation before in England, I was proud to have been a part of his experience here in Canada. Knowing how hard he worked, how much he longed to be home and what sacrifices had to be made in order to get to this point - married, living in Canada, graduating again and about to become a father - made me all the more proud to call him my husband.
I felt lovely in my dress and had a few unknown (to me anyway) graduates exclaim that they'd love to "rock pregnancy" in the way I was. Nothing like an ego boost at full term!
So here I am, 37 weeks and 4 days. Last night, I thought I was going into labour. I woke up at around 3 in the morning with terrible nausea and tingling all over my body. I broke out into a full body sweat as my lower back and belly cramped. In my half-asleep state I reconciled to myself that I felt unwell because I was likely about to start that time of the month. It took a few minutes to remember that I was in fact pregnant and therefore, having a period was highly unlikely. The pain didn't come in waves (as they say it does) but it just remained for a long time. I got up, had a glass of water, went to the loo, opened the bedroom window and tried to get some sleep. Since it didn't feel the way contractions are supposed to feel, I assumed I was good to relax a while.
Unfortunately, my brain panicked. As in, freaked.out. i realised that I wasn't prepared for the baby to arrive yet. I still have too much to do! I wondered if I could get my mom to order the christmas gifts online in the morning if I was in the hospital and couldn't do it. I wondered if I should get up and blow dry my hair in case labour started properly before the morning. I worried about our camera charger's disappearance and how we'd record our baby's arrival. I worried over not having staples in the house for dinners when we arrived back. I worried about not having packed my hospital bag or purchased necessities from the pharmacy. I worried because the downstairs powder room wasn't painted and would have to remain horrendously blue during Christmas. After about half an hour I rolled onto my back and massaged my belly until I fell asleep.
I woke up utterly relieved to not be in labour. Being fearful of labour and delivery is pointless since it's going to happen - one way or another. However, I am absolutely panicked about the 2 page long "before baby arrives" list we wrote up last night. I've now ordered all Christmas gifts online, booked the dog in for a groom before Christmas, started the mounds of laundry that was waiting, pulled out the hospital bag and written down the list of things that I need to pack as well as starting to prep the powder room for painting.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and need to pick up the rest of my Christmas gifts at 3 stops on the way home. Please Lord, Please do not let this baby come tonight. Tomorrow is pay day and I need to pay our bills for the month! I am so not ready. My house is a mess, I need a clean house! The thought of coming home to a messy house is creating a serious amount of anxiety.
Anyway, today I feel different. The aches are different and the baby's movement feels different. My heart rate is definitely up. I'm just trying to power through the list as quickly as possible. I wish I had a maid. That'd be AWE.SOME. My instinct tells me to get my butt in gear. Yes I know that pre-labour can last for weeks. Yes I know that while every pregnancy is different, there are typical signs to look out for. But my philosophy throughout this pregnancy is that my pregnancy is unique to me and my body. And my body does not feel like itself today. So we'll see. Maybe I have a few weeks of feeling unnatural while my body prepares for labour. Maybe a few days. Either way, I'm going to spend less time reading (though my book is SO good) and more time cleaning and prepping this evening.
Until the next update! Oh shoot, I really should've done that super cute "hold your belly" pre photo so that I could do a "hold your baby where he was in your belly" post photo. Tomorrow!
P.S. (Can you do a p.s. in a blog?!) I did not crop my husband out of the photo out of vanity (he looked so lovely and handsome) but out of protocol. No pics of uniform allowed on the web and all that.
So here I am, 37 weeks and 4 days. Last night, I thought I was going into labour. I woke up at around 3 in the morning with terrible nausea and tingling all over my body. I broke out into a full body sweat as my lower back and belly cramped. In my half-asleep state I reconciled to myself that I felt unwell because I was likely about to start that time of the month. It took a few minutes to remember that I was in fact pregnant and therefore, having a period was highly unlikely. The pain didn't come in waves (as they say it does) but it just remained for a long time. I got up, had a glass of water, went to the loo, opened the bedroom window and tried to get some sleep. Since it didn't feel the way contractions are supposed to feel, I assumed I was good to relax a while.
Unfortunately, my brain panicked. As in, freaked.out. i realised that I wasn't prepared for the baby to arrive yet. I still have too much to do! I wondered if I could get my mom to order the christmas gifts online in the morning if I was in the hospital and couldn't do it. I wondered if I should get up and blow dry my hair in case labour started properly before the morning. I worried about our camera charger's disappearance and how we'd record our baby's arrival. I worried over not having staples in the house for dinners when we arrived back. I worried about not having packed my hospital bag or purchased necessities from the pharmacy. I worried because the downstairs powder room wasn't painted and would have to remain horrendously blue during Christmas. After about half an hour I rolled onto my back and massaged my belly until I fell asleep.
I woke up utterly relieved to not be in labour. Being fearful of labour and delivery is pointless since it's going to happen - one way or another. However, I am absolutely panicked about the 2 page long "before baby arrives" list we wrote up last night. I've now ordered all Christmas gifts online, booked the dog in for a groom before Christmas, started the mounds of laundry that was waiting, pulled out the hospital bag and written down the list of things that I need to pack as well as starting to prep the powder room for painting.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and need to pick up the rest of my Christmas gifts at 3 stops on the way home. Please Lord, Please do not let this baby come tonight. Tomorrow is pay day and I need to pay our bills for the month! I am so not ready. My house is a mess, I need a clean house! The thought of coming home to a messy house is creating a serious amount of anxiety.
Anyway, today I feel different. The aches are different and the baby's movement feels different. My heart rate is definitely up. I'm just trying to power through the list as quickly as possible. I wish I had a maid. That'd be AWE.SOME. My instinct tells me to get my butt in gear. Yes I know that pre-labour can last for weeks. Yes I know that while every pregnancy is different, there are typical signs to look out for. But my philosophy throughout this pregnancy is that my pregnancy is unique to me and my body. And my body does not feel like itself today. So we'll see. Maybe I have a few weeks of feeling unnatural while my body prepares for labour. Maybe a few days. Either way, I'm going to spend less time reading (though my book is SO good) and more time cleaning and prepping this evening.
Until the next update! Oh shoot, I really should've done that super cute "hold your belly" pre photo so that I could do a "hold your baby where he was in your belly" post photo. Tomorrow!
P.S. (Can you do a p.s. in a blog?!) I did not crop my husband out of the photo out of vanity (he looked so lovely and handsome) but out of protocol. No pics of uniform allowed on the web and all that.
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