40 weeks and 5 days

And here we are...past my due date...and not particularly happy about it today.

The plus side: Christmas Eve was a roaring success. It was wonderful to be able to host the evening at home with our family and I felt quite well until around 9:30pm. Not too shabby in my estimation.

The down side: I get bigger every.single.day. Its actually a joke. I'm bigger, but no heavier than I was last week. Thank you Lord for small mercies!

The low down: At my doctor's appointment today, I had an exam. Sigh. I realise that with an impending delivery of my child, I shouldn't still be squeamish about this, but I am. The doctor was surprised that I had not experienced any contractions yet since my cervix is 90% thinned out and I am already 3cm dilated. Pardon moi? 3 cm?? That does not in any way fit in with my "going into labour" plan which involved:

1. Water breaks.
2. Start dilating from 0.
3. Shower, blow dry hair and put lovely lotion all over my body so that I feel as feminine as possible going into this horrendously humiliating, unpredictable and undoubtedly painful experience in a crappy thin hospital gown.
4. Measure time between contractions and since labour starts out slowly, take time to tidy house, unload dishwasher and write some update emails.
5. Measure time between contractions, feed dog, let her out and make arrangements for someone to come and look after her.
6. Call hospital, fill car with petrol and drive at a decent hour, missing traffic, to avoid stress and hassle, to the hospital.
7. Arrive at hospital, check in with labour and assessment and walk the halls while waiting to reach 4cm dilation so that I can ask for the epidural.

So.....when she told me that I was already 3cm dilated...the plan became moot. So I went out for coffee with my mom instead. And then bought some groceries for easy meals (thank you Stricklands!!) and then picked James up from work early. Because, well, because he loves me and he was terribly concerned.

The plus side: None of the male doctors are on call tomorrow or Saturday - small mercies extended. This one I am massively thankful for. Induction is scheduled for Saturday so that if the contractions don't start before then, we will have a baby come Sunday - one way or another!

The down side: I am at home, cramping and achy, with no contractions yet, a plan that's gone to pot and feeling a bit concerned about not being able to do what I wanted to do to prepare for labour.

The other plus side: My husband is amazing. We came home, cleaned the kitchen and living room, did dishes and cleaned surfaces and recycling and bins and shovelled the driveway so that I can feel a bit more relaxed about coming home with a new baby. I am about to go shower and then we are going to relax (well, he'll relax, I'll grimace in a statutory position) while watching a film on the laptop.

And now you all know. This is where we stand. I'm nervous, I'm leaning towards acceptance, but mostly I am annoyed. That this labour hasn't started out the way "it's supposed to", that women have to deliver big babies and that my husband is so cheerful about the imminent arrival of his son and expressing it by whistling and dancing around the house while I breathe through the pain. And the most annoying of all : I wanted this.

Things people have said to me that I am C.L.I.N.G.I.N.G to:

"Don't make a scene, just get in, and get it done" - a Friend's mum
"You'll be so filled with love the moment he's here, you'll forget the pain" - A variation from numerous
"HAVE FUN!!" - A friend's 2 year old daughter


 

39...and 3 days

Ahhhh...the watermelon. It used to be one of my favourite fruits. Now that I have identified it with this growing baby in me? Not so much. Not only is he the size of a "oooohhh yeah, get THAT one" watermelon, but my belly is as hard as a watermelon shell as well. I could fall over and I'd probably bounce.

Unlike some baby bellies that are just round, this one looks like a prosthetic. When I face the mirror, you can see the outline of the uterus and it really does look like someone has glued a watermelon to my front and then puttied over it.

No, my hospital bag is still not packed. I think its because I have a "when my labour starts" to-do list that includes:

• showering, 
• blow drying my hair,
• painting my nails,
• packing my bag,
• emailing/texting/calling family
• unloading/reloading the dishwasher

Almost every woman I've spoken to has said that she wishes she spent more time at home during the first stage of labour. So I'm taking some advice. Every hospital brochure and online resource tells us to "sleep" and "rest" and "be calm" during the first stage until the contractions reach that 5 minute point. I'm fairly certain that if I am in pain, I will not be able to sleep, nor rest, nor relax. So I might as well be productive!

I want to touch on something here: I've had so many lovely emails and notes lately from friends and family asking about my excitement to meet Baby for the first time. I've had people ask if I just can't wait to go into labour. The truth is: Yes, I do need to go into labour, STAT, because we have Christmas Eve fast approaching. However, No, I am not excited. And it isn't only anxiety over the delivery - though there is some.

We are just not...excited.

I have no doubt that we'll be overwhelmed with love once he's here, and that we'll be so thankful for him. But right now? Right now, we're both struggling to deal with the loss of "us". Yes, I know it sounds selfish, but I'm speaking truth here folks. Like it or lump it. We're struggling to come to terms with zero down time between the big life changes we've had this past year. I think it's good to be honest about this, even though it doesn't sound nice. Some women really really love to be pregnant. Some women can't wait to meet their newborn. Some women are wholly identified by the fact that they are pregnant. I'm just not one of those women. Once my pregnancy cleared the "Safe Marker" of 16 weeks, it became a sideline. We had too much going on for me to be lying on the couch feeling unwell, or shopping for maternity clothes, or worrying about a nursery or doing prenatal yoga or classes. Life goes on, at a frantic speed. I had to keep up.

Before you heap mounds of tsk-ing and sighing on me, you should know that its just my personality. We just had to get on with our daily living.

So when I felt really unwell and had intensifying pain which began Sunday afternoon and continued through to bed on Monday evening, I thought "oh good, I'm going to go into labour tonight or tomorrow, and that'll be good because we'll still have the weekend before Christmas and James will get a solid 5 days off at home".

And when I woke up this morning and the pain had completely subsided, I was pretty frustrated. No baby Dawson on Dec.18th. Perhaps the time will be right on Dec.20th.

The gist:
Emotionally - I am anxious, but not excited. Preparing for and accepting the unpredictability of our future life as a family.
Physically - I'm a lovely 20lbs up from my pre-baby weight, and carrying a flesh coloured watermelon in front of me. Aches and pains, no contractions. No swelling either though - thank you Lord.

Full Term! And a bit...again...

So the 37 week mark arrived and passed without much ado. Unless you consider the excellent graduation parade we attended last week. It was long, and it was crowded but when James' class marched into the hall and stood in front of us, I couldn't help but cry. Quite a bit. I was so proud of him and so thankful to God for having brought us this far in a year. And while I know that he has completed this type of training and graduation before in England, I was proud to have been a part of his experience here in Canada. Knowing how hard he worked, how much he longed to be home and what sacrifices had to be made in order to get to this point - married, living in Canada, graduating again and about to become a father - made me all the more proud to call him my husband.

I felt lovely in my dress and had a few unknown (to me anyway) graduates exclaim that they'd love to "rock pregnancy" in the way I was. Nothing like an ego boost at full term!

So here I am, 37 weeks and 4 days. Last night, I thought I was going into labour. I woke up at around 3 in the morning with terrible nausea and tingling all over my body. I broke out into a full body sweat as my lower back and belly cramped. In my half-asleep state I reconciled to myself that I felt unwell because I was likely about to start that time of the month. It took a few minutes to remember that I was in fact pregnant and therefore, having a period was highly unlikely. The pain didn't come in waves (as they say it does) but it just remained for a long time. I got up, had a glass of water, went to the loo, opened the bedroom window and tried to get some sleep. Since it didn't feel the way contractions are supposed to feel, I assumed I was good to relax a while.

Unfortunately, my brain panicked. As in, freaked.out. i realised that I wasn't prepared for the baby to arrive yet. I still have too much to do! I wondered if I could get my mom to order the christmas gifts online in the morning if I was in the hospital and couldn't do it. I wondered if I should get up and blow dry my hair in case labour started properly before the morning. I worried about our camera charger's disappearance and how we'd record our baby's arrival. I worried over not having staples in the house for dinners when we arrived back. I worried about not having packed my hospital bag or purchased necessities from the pharmacy. I worried because the downstairs powder room wasn't painted and would have to remain horrendously blue during Christmas. After about half an hour I rolled onto my back and massaged my belly until I fell asleep.

I woke up utterly relieved to not be in labour. Being fearful of labour and delivery is pointless since it's going to happen - one way or another. However, I am absolutely panicked about the 2 page long  "before baby arrives" list we wrote up last night. I've now ordered all Christmas gifts online, booked the dog in for a groom before Christmas, started the mounds of laundry that was waiting, pulled out the hospital bag and written down the list of things that I need to pack as well as starting to prep the powder room for painting.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and need to pick up the rest of my Christmas gifts at 3 stops on the way home. Please Lord, Please do not let this baby come tonight. Tomorrow is pay day and I need to pay our bills for the month! I am so not ready. My house is a mess, I need a clean house! The thought of coming home to a messy house is creating a serious amount of anxiety.

Anyway, today I feel different. The aches are different and the baby's movement feels different. My heart rate is definitely up. I'm just trying to power through the list as quickly as possible. I wish I had a maid. That'd be AWE.SOME. My instinct tells me to get my butt in gear. Yes I know that pre-labour can last for weeks. Yes I know that while every pregnancy is different, there are typical signs to look out for. But my philosophy throughout this pregnancy is that my pregnancy is unique to me and my body. And my body does not feel like itself today. So we'll see. Maybe I have a few weeks of feeling unnatural while my body prepares for labour. Maybe a few days. Either way, I'm going to spend less time reading (though my book is SO good) and more time cleaning and prepping this evening.

Until the next update! Oh shoot, I really should've done that super cute "hold your belly" pre photo so that I could do a "hold your baby where he was in your belly" post photo. Tomorrow!

P.S. (Can you do a p.s. in a blog?!) I did not crop my husband out of the photo out of vanity (he looked so lovely and handsome) but out of protocol. No pics of uniform allowed on the web and all that.

36 (or there abouts)

I should be rejoicing being at 36 weeks, but I'm not. I've caught a cold (I sound worse than I feel) and I'm a tiny bit overwhelmed by how unprepared I (still) am for Baby OH's arrival.

I had my first stereotypical irrational-pregnant-woman-response-to-a-stranger experience last week. A sales staff member at Club Monaco (drool...the Club, not the guy) greeted me kindly and said "wow, you look like you're ready to pop!" with a great big friendly smile. Baby OH is apparently the size of a melon - which looks like it's holding itself together quite well....thank you very much.

Baby OH is the size of a Crenshaw Melon - apparently! 

Huh. Ready.to.pop.

As in...explode. An over-sized, distorted, stretched-beyond-capactiy, defies human logic, morbidly fascinating to watch in anticipation of the big-bang......is some of what came to mind.

I know I know, that its my pregnancy brain causing this reaction. Which is why I smiled kindly back and said through gritted teeth "yup, we're getting there!" What I really wanted to say was, "how would YOU like a 6lb CHILD rolling around in your belly and restricting your breathing AND your eating while finding the SWEET spot of pain between your sternum and underwire bra to nestle his knee into?!?" Thank heaven for grace.

I think my pregnancy was so straight forward that I became spoiled. And I think that I've been fairly easy-going about the whole upcoming labour, delivery and parenting thing. Perhaps this is 36 weeks of an uncharacteristically laid back attitude biting me in the bum. It's more likely attributed to hormones.

So I'm nervous, and a bit agitated. And the baby hasn't dropped so I'm short of breath. And hungry. Without going overboard, I've made a list of things we still need for baby OH's arrival and a list of things I need to take care of this week to prepare for being full term on Saturday. I have a Dr's appointment on Friday with Dr Dread (haha, it'd be poetic if that was his real name! I digress...) and hopefully the baby will start to drop soon! Not that I'm ready to go into labour now, BUT, with Christmas approaching, the acceptance that he's going to come out sooner or later, and the planner in me that is rising to the surface again, perhaps the sooner the better!

In the meantime, I whole heartedly look forward to my husband's graduation on Thursday. My mum bought me a fabulous dress for the event and I can't wait to wear it with heels! Thank you ego-boost! (And Black Friday sale prices!) This Crenshaw Melon looks good in that straight fitted dress - pics to follow at next update!

Almost 35

I forgot to post a week 34 update, as well as a doctor's visit update. So this'll do I reckon'!

I have entered the time of complete discomfort. Until this baby drops, I am fighting shortness of breath and a little foot/elbow/knee trying to wiggle some free room in the cavity between my ribs. Yes, a cavity between my ribs. And yes, this does hurt. It is not "uncomfortable" or "awkward" as I've been told to expect. Its bloody sore. And now you know. My belly is perpetually rock hard and the entire thing shifts or protrudes awkwardly when the baby moves.

I'm eating smaller portions and my sweet tooth is making a serious name for itself. I'm still toying with "demon sweet tooth", "sweet sweet sugary goodness" and "no, i'm not sweet enough"....or something a bit shorter. I have yet to decide. This need for more sugar in my tea, sickly sweet decaf Starbucks drinks, and miniature packs of Skittles for breakfast (oh the shame) is probably the reason for my weight gain at this appointment. But I blame baby. Because he can't defend himself. So I'm up another 1.2lbs from my visit 4 weeks ago. It could be worse, but I'm keenly aware that I've hit a weight gain mark and that I have another 5 weeks to go. I suppose I should try doing my workouts more than once per week. I'll aim for three this week!

The doctor said that my belly is small, and that the baby is smaller than average, but perfectly proportioned to my build. My heart rate is good, my blood sugar levels are good and my "discomforts" are perfectly normal. She then chided me for not being further along in the baby prep. I told her that I was planning on starting to prep around 37 weeks - err.or. (haha, I just hear Mr T's voice when I type that. I should find a Mr.T's Craziest Fools clip for this blog. I'll update it if I can find one)

Yes, statistically women do give birth at 40 weeks, but, apparently they see full term, 37 week old babies born every day.

"Really? Come on. Every. Day?"

"Every.day. I would make sure you're good to go at 37 weeks".

Stress? Panic? Anxiety? Nah. I'm too excited to watch a rubbish film with my sister-in-law tomorrow (helllooo Twilight, you wicked obsession) and spend time with James this weekend.

On a very very exciting note - our crib has finally arrived!!! Well, in the warehouse. My dad and brother were going to kindly put it together for us next week, but I think it'll be good for James to have a chance to participate in some of the organising for the nursery and the baby's arrival since he's been away for the majority of it. Good intuition Tamsin - you might say. James did confirm this and I'm really looking forward to having it in the nursery by the end of the weekend! Since my photography skills are average, here's a pic of the crib from the website. Yay!

The Oeuf Sparrow Crib - A sparrow's Egg!! Delightful. Oh, minus that changer attached to the top!

Mother

 Def’n: a woman who has a child. (Thank you Encarta Dictionary for your short and sweet definition!)

Sounds simple, doesn't it? Straight forward even. 

Mother, woman, wife, daughter, sister, friend and what about self? Somewhere in there I’m sure. Though defined by these others? It’d be impossible for it not to be.

This woman, is my mother.  And beside her, is her mother. 

Their histories are hard and full and sometimes crazy. Even now, at 28, I refuse to be blown here and there. I’ve taken a stand to write my own history. And its already full of the good, the bad and the ugly. I am about to embark on motherhood. I focus on my mother and my grandmother. These women, have battled the world, raised children, married, divorced, remarried etc while forging careers.

They are fierce.

And they are loving.

And they are kind.

And they are good.

And we were given to each other by the omniscient God.

And He knew what our lives would be, and what our lives would require. And this was His plan.

And what is His plan for my child? At 35 weeks, the prospect (insert “gift”, “responsibility”, “joy” et al) of mothering is overwhelming. Examples of poor mothers are everywhere to be seen. And yet, surely, I will do the best I can with the knowledge I have. Will I be judged as a poor mother? Will I seek self more so than God-fearing mothering, God-loving wife, God-honouring sister and daughter? My legacy starts now as I write this next chapter.  

May God give me grace and wisdom. May my son look at his mother and be thankful for her. May my love be as it should and my actions be right, despite my intentions. For our intentions can be of good heart but our actions born of worldly fear and wisdom.  May my love be ruled by faith and not by fear. 

Bugs & Hormones

So at almost 34 weeks, I am suffering (yeah, I'd call this suffering) a miserable bout of nausea, headache and fatigue. The kind you feel all the way to the tips of your fingers and ends of your hair. Nausea! At 34 weeks! I only had a couple of weeks of nausea in my first trimester so why now? Unfortunately I've left my What to Expect When You're Expecting guide somewhere else and can't do a quick reference. I could do some online hounding but it'll likely tell me a bunch of things that are common sense.

-Rest.

-Drink water.

-If feeling is accompanied by pain, call your practitioner - ha! Fat chance. You'll only end up talking to one of many receptionists who will schedule you in for an appointment at a time that is convenient. For them. There really is no point in bothering with an Obstetrics Practice if you want a personal experience.

(again wishing that I'd managed to find a midwife for this pregnancy)

-If feeling persists or symptoms worsen, call your practitioner - see above.

And so, I suppose, if I use my common sense, I might have caught a bug somewhere, or, I might just be experiencing a new surge of hormones associated with this stage of pregnancy.

My common sense is also telling me that staring at this computer screen is certainly not helping.

33!

Chillin' with Lupa at 33 weeks

33 weeks in. 4 weeks until I'm considered full term, and 7 weeks until my due date. (Though I can't shake the feeling that this baby is not going to hang around until 40 weeks)

There really isn't a whole lot to report - I'm afraid! Its all fairly boring standard pregnant stuff. My back does hurt, I am still getting leg cramps, I do not sleep well - at any time - and my belly is big and round and...big and round.  

I am fielding the growing anxiety over labour and delivery. I presume this is also fairly standard. I don't particularly want to get into details, but the entire....thing, is unsettling and cause for fear. Yes, I know women all over the world in all situations and at all ages participate in the labour and delivery of babies. I can honestly say that it doesn't change the way this woman feels.

I've refused to attend pre-natal classes on my own at the hospital, but our region offers quite a reputable eLearning Prenatal course - which also happens to be free. I'm currently waiting for my registration information to arrive in the post. In the meantime, I'm busying myself with decorating the nursery - one.item.at.a.time. For some reason - its the most challenging decorating project I've encountered yet. I'm busy focusing on birthday gifts and Christmas preparation. James graduates in just over 3 weeks and I spend half my time wishing away the days to bring my husband home permanently and the other half wishing that time would just slow down. I am not ready to have this baby. The home, my marriage, my plans! Not even remotely ready.

That eLearning Prenatal Course had better be something miraculous. I'm wholly hoping that I won't be watching any videos. Diagrams from the 90's will suit me just fine.

P.S. I grunt and lose my balance when trying to put on tights, I also huff and puff when taking laundry out of the washing machine, cleaning the loos and can feel my heart thumping when I've walked from the basement to the top floor.  Glam.O.Rous. 

31 (so I'm a bit late!)

Yes, this is my Week 31 pic. Don't get all stressed about it not being a profile shot. We tried those, and they were pretty rubbish. Below is another Week 31 pic (actually, this was taken Week 30 and 6 days. If you're fastidious about that sort of thing). There is a belly there, quite a big one, but my jumper happens to have sequins on it which are reflecting the sun so you can't see it very well. Still, its as much of a profile photo as I can manage. 

What can I really say? I had an uneventful appointment with my doctor. Ha, that was a lie. I had an uneventful appointment with one of the 11 doctors at the hospital OB dept. She was nice enough, told me that everything was fine and that there was nothing to be concerned about. I did get weighed, the result of which I will not be divulging on this public forum any longer. Onto more pleasant things. 

I spend a couple of weeks with my friend Sarah from the UK. She helped me repaint (yes, that's 3 times folks) the nursery, and while my brother's girlfriend helped paint trim, Sarah redid all the borders on the ceiling. The room can now officially have furniture in it. Which is handy, since we have a chair and a dresser already! But....no crib. Its on order. And I have full confidence that it will arrive on time! Actually, I have very little confidence that it will arrive on time, because I have a sneaking suspicion that this baby will not be sticking around for 40weeks. What an odd thing to think - I can't explain why, perhaps it's just wishful thinking, but I just feel like he's going to be here sooner than Dec. 22nd. 

We are starting to prepare for Baby OH's arrival. 

The name: Not resolved (and truth be told, I might be wavering anyhow)

The nursery: Painted, that's enough right?? 

The timing: James' graduation on November 29th, 2.5hrs drive away.

The to-do list: Is growing. This is probably a good thing to help us be prepared. 

The shower: Complete and successful. 

The pram: Purchased and LOVELY.

The car seat: In a box. 

The prenatal classes: I'm working on it. I refuse to attend prenatal classes on my own. It would make me heartsick. They also cost money. What a joke! There are some online options that I'm looking into though. 

Our timing is a bit strained. With James away, 4 family birthdays in 6 weeks, James' graduation and then Christmas, I am trying to avoid pressure and stress by dealing with as much as I can now. We've given ourselves until November 30th to purchase and wrap all the Christmas prezzies and purchase the tree and ornaments. We've started planning the menu and just need to talk to the family about the plan for Christmas eve. Its going to be such a hectic but such a rich and exciting time for our family. Blessings abound! (I've started saying this a lot recently. It sounds so old-fashioned, but it just fits.)

Baby Shower Time!

As I hit 30 weeks, the day for my baby shower finally arrived. 

 After much frustration, I gambled on a spot downtown near the University of Toronto. DT Bistro & Patisserie. For those of you who know me, "gambling" is not something I would normally do. Throwing a baby shower at a venue that you have not previously attended in person, is most assuredly not advisable. But my options had run out and I could only hope that the chef's bio and his obvious passion for his place would be represented in the food. And did it ever! The desserts and pastries were unbelievably fantastic. The savoury portion was made up of miniatures including spring rolls, pumpkin and thai coconut cream soup, roast pork with apple and chutney bites and a mushroom strudel. Be still my heart. Food, glorious food.

The decor was sophisticated (hello tone-on-tone fabric wallpaper, Tiffany-blue leather upholstered chairs and modern lighting) and totally suited my taste. Despite various arrival times, everyone seemed at ease and the afternoon advanced with an atmosphere that was completely relaxed. We had adult conversation that touched on babies and motherhood, but mostly focused on work and other things. This was exactly as I hoped it would be. I was so pleased to have a dear friend from England, some old friends and work friends and my family present. Yes we arrived late, and yes, my milk jug had to be replaced, and yes, our server did forget to replace our flatware, but, it was a perfect afternoon as far as I was concerned.

What a blessing to be surrounded by people who care about you. And to be able to eat magnificent cake. At the same time. It could almost be dubbed "blissful".

28

This is what I see when I look down. I don't even see my feet anymore unless I lean forward. I am overwhelmed by the prospect of being 7 months along. My body seems to just be on a course of its own. My belly is rounder, bigger, higher and heavier. Baby OH has been kicking the daylights out of my upper right ribs and occasionally, my bladder, for the past week. It mostly happens when I'm sitting down so perhaps it's nature's way of ensuring that I don't sit around too much and remain as active as possible.

Which would make sense, considering the propensity to gain weight, lose flexibility and get generally lazy as the pregnancy progresses. I stepped on the scale at the gym this week (after a 2 week hiatus) and was appalled to see that I have now gained a solid 12lbs. Let's just say that the cross-trainer was about to be beasted. I know what the statistics say, and I know what North American doctors say. But when you consider the weight of the child, the water retention and all the other bits (which I'm still a bit squeamish about), there really is no health benefit to gaining 2lbs per week. On a 5'3 frame, that kind of weight gain will cause shortness in breath, greater difficulty in exercising and less flexibility. Which will make delivery more difficult as well as looking after Baby OH once we get home. I still don't quite understand why North American doctors and pregnancy education has a "one-size fits all" guideline for weight gain for all women of different heights, starting weights, activity levels, metabolic differences et al.
Rant complete.

This week has been extremely eye-opening in terms of how I am starting to be limited by this pregnancy. While on my hands and knees attempting to scrub clean the bathroom and kitchen floors in the new house, I had quite a bit of pain in my abdomen. I also huffed and puffed as if I was running an 8miler.
Note to self: do not squash baby.

At the end of the week, I attempted to give myself a lovely pedicure (something I do every 2-3 weeks). Not only did I find that I was less agile (thank you 2 week gym hiatus) but I simply couldn't reach my toes properly. My pedi does not look amazing.
2nd note to self: save for pedicures.

Throughout the week, my hormones and emotions have finally won the battle over reason. I cried 4 times. Hard. I cried because I missed my husband. I cried because I felt incapable of cleaning my own house properly. I cried because the house was empty and quiet. And then I cried this morning, in anticipation of James going back to training this evening. In fact, mentioning it in this blog is making me feel teary again.
3rd note to self: buy tissues.

And so, I forge forward into my next trimester. The reality of the pregnancy is no longer something I can put off. Concerns over my RhoGAM shot on Tuesday, my new limited movement, my emotional sensitivity and my complete lack of knowledge over the entire labour and delivery process is starting to weigh on my mind. I'm putting together my to-do list for next week to prepare for Thanksgiving at ours, my dear friend Sarah's visit the week after and the ongoing house project. I'll have to schedule some time for self-education this week as well.

A child's name

I am amazed by the buzz that is created around the name of a new..well...creation! The excitement (and pressure) in the name revealed, the apprehension of new parents on whether or not their selection will be applauded, the frustration over the seeming right everyone takes in weighing in with their opinions. James and I actually find the entire thing, quite....odd.

Of course we feel that the name should sound right, feel right, suit us, suit the middle name (and surname).
Of course we care if the name suits our son.
Of course we appreciate that others get excited about what we'll name our baby, what this little creation will come to be known as - an entire identity wrapped up in a few letters. Until he matures and forms his own identity that is.

Its just that, we find the entire process quite surreal. We aren't particularly phased over other's opinions in this regard. We have two options that we both love and are trying to decide on. My sister-in-law (English) is on the same name-team as my friends who are English. My family (South Africans) are on the other name-team. James and I are actually, and this may sound awful, quite indifferent. We like both. We think both names work and both names will suit this new little Dawson.

We're so indifferent that we just laugh amidst cries of:
"noooo, you can't name him that" and,
"noooo, I'll just call him this" and, one of our favourites,
"that's the name of a bus driver" (what is wrong with being a bus driver anyhow?!)

We've even entertained the idea of choosing a false name, that we don't particularly care for, just to give everyone something to talk about. Since they enjoy talking about it so much! But that requires too much energy and I'm really the one with the wicked sense of humour, not James. He wouldn't be able to maintain the façade.

So we wait, until we're ready or have a clear decision between us on whether or not we'll name our wonderful baby Oscar James Dawson or Henry James Dawson. Hence, Baby OH. But for now, Baby OH works just fine.




                                                   

26...and 5 days

I'm hoping to get the hang of this weekly blog by the time I am pregnant with my second child. Let's just chalk this up to a steep learning curve. Yes, this pic is a bit of a cop-out, but I've been wearing my little Miss Bossy shirt (figuratively) for a good few weeks. It suits me! And it suits our current circumstances. 

I've been fortunate enough to only experience vague pregnancy symptoms so far. Nausea for 2 weeks, the usual achy boobs thing and fatigue. I've managed to largely dodge the unexplained crying fits, quick tempers, moodiness and crazy eating habits. So far. This morning I craved English sausages with brown sauce (that's HP sauce to you Canadian and South African folk) with a side of cinnamon roll. Yup, cinnamon roll. Fortunately I didn't eat either, but I think that the lack of sleep and stress of the past 2 weeks is starting to show itself in my pregnancy. Today, while putting primer on the nursery walls (after having started to paint them a horrendous industrial rust colour, which was really meant to be a orange cream colour), I started to experience quite a bit of aching in my abdomen. My body is telling me to slow down, my head is telling my body to suck it up until next Wednesday (my last day of painting and prep before our furniture is delivered and I have to start setting up the house).

I'm convinced that I just need a couple of nights of good rest. Either a sore back, nightmares or an uncomfortable belly plague me nightly. I'm assuming its just part of the pregnancy process. I have been told by a few people that my belly seems to have popped again, so perhaps my body is just going through a bit of a quick change this week. I bet you're all even more sorry now that there isn't a profile photo. We'll be sure to do one this weekend. 

My hair might fall out

I know that because of the hormones and multi-vitamins we are required to take during pregnancy, the chances of this happening isn't great. However, I have been feeling more stressed this past week than I have done since the days of working 5 days a week and being in college full time. My brain feels heavy most of the time, and when I read an email that is related to the house we've just purchased or the impending move, my eyes feel strained and swollen, like they might actually pop out of my skull and roll away. I can just imagine them squealing in all their squishy eye glory "save yourself!". I've started grinding my teeth at night and I continue to have nightmares that are quite obviously based on the anxiety of being alone, facing parenthood, buying and moving into a new home etc.

So you see. My case is quite strong. My hair might really fall out. Though it's unlikely. The more likely result is that I'll get hormonal and stress related spots which will just make me irritable. Yes, it is possible, I can be more irritable than I normally am. Though, I'm working really hard on that flaw - its so unattractive and usually involves frowning, which causes premature ageing.

The little ray of hope came in the form of an appointment with an OB. Not my doctor - since I'm just really signed on with the obstetrical practise at Credit Valley Hospital. It means that I could have an appointment with any one of 11 doctors and that Baby OH could be delivered by any one of those 11 doctors - depending on who's on call. But the OB who met with me yesterday was wonderful. She was fairly young, warm, light-hearted, professional and just, made me feel like a woman on the brink of something exciting. This may seem strange to those who have not had to experience appointments with doctors like I have. I have felt uncomfortable, awkward, upset, frustrated, uncertain and usually a bit like a cow in a herd that happens to be expecting a calf, being pushed along the conveyor belt for a quick feel and a nod. Ugh.

Perhaps it was simply the fact that this doctor referred to Baby OH as "your first little monkey". It melted my heart. Even though she was an hour late to the appointment. My weight gain is on the scale, but a bit low (WOOHOO!) and I have an anterior placenta. She was gobsmacked that no other doctor had mentioned it to me, since it quickly explained the delay in the feeling of movement. *sigh* A good doctor is hard to find.

I have not yet purchased a belly band, nor have I managed to bring myself to purchase maternity wear. I'll get there eventually. Out of desperation I'm sure!

25

ARG! No photo update this week despite best intentions! Many apologies. It has been one hectic week and a very busy weekend. I was blessed to have James home this weekend from training. We talked and ate and ate some more, drank lots of tea, ran some errands, had lovely home-cooked meals, watched The Expendables 2 (which was actually pretty fantastic) and went for a good 5 mile run. As expected, the time went much too quickly and dropping him off at the college today was heartbreaking - again. I'd like to say that the week ahead is going to be so wicked that I'll barely notice his absence, but it'd be a lie. The days are manic and the evenings are Q.U.I.E.T. It is miserable and unsettling to admit that I use the television as a source of noise in the house to fill the void. I'm not even watching it! It's usually just on in the background so that the house feels normal.

The best update for this week is MEGA MOVEMENT. Not only has Baby OH been moving like it's his business, he has been moving enough that James could feel it too! SUPERB! I was overjoyed to be able to share that moment with him and James looked as if he'd just opened Nintendo 64 on his 12th birthday. Great response in my opinion!

Our house closes on Friday, so my next photo update will show my fashionable moving/painting ensemble. Exciting stuff!

Impromptu hospital visit

I realise how silly this post will sound, considering that I posted my 24week update on Monday. I hit the 24week mark on Saturday, I also felt movement on Saturday. Bango. Today is Wednesday and as of this morning, I had felt no movement since Saturday. I had assumed that it was related to the stress and busyness of our days, but I did start to feel concerned when I allowed the thoughts to mull over in my mind. The possibility of being RH negative, the possibility that it could affect this pregnancy (though its highly unlikely), the advice of the OB to attend the Labour Assessment ward 2 weeks ago, etc etc.

I was very unwilling to go to the hospital today, but my sister-in-law was quite kind in offering to sit and wait with me for an appointment. In fact, she really convinced me to go. And I'm very grateful for her grace in the situation. So we parked at the hospital, had some lunch - priorities! - and found our way to the ward. The attending nurse was a bit put-out at having to do an assessment on a "little 24week old baby" since it can be quite tough. I was quite apologetic, but after realising that I wasn't one of those pregnant women (you know the type, neurotic etc) she was quite reassuring. Belly band and monitor attached, baby OH's little heart beating well and infrequent whooshing quelled any fears. There is in fact lots of movement, I'm just not able to distinguish it well enough.

I'm pleased to have made the trip for 2 reasons:

1. My fears are now put aside, and I have some "relax and pay attention to your body" homework to focus my uncertainties on. This is good for someone who is a do-er.

2. My sister-in-law got to hear baby OH's heartbeat and I think, though I can't be sure, that I saw her heart melt a little. She talked to baby OH about the pet dog, about timbits and about loving cake. And shushed me when I interrupted her attempt to get him to move in response to her voice. I'm glad she's bonding with him. This little guy is going to be so so loved.

24

I'm pleased to say that this week we had MOVEMENT! It doesn't happen on a daily basis and I really only feel it when I'm sitting down and being very calm, which is a rare occurrence in itself! James is a bit jealous that he can't yet feel Baby OH moving, but I believe that changes in a few weeks or so. A few weeks! I don't know how I can start talking about what will happen in a "few" weeks, when I'll be a whole 7 months along at that stage. It just seems so...advanced.  

This weekend we celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary. We had to carve out the day for ourselves by planning ahead and sticking to our guns when the to-do list wasn't completed in time. But we woke up early, went for a 5 mile run, then enjoyed a lovely brunch at a neat little restaurant in Liberty Village called School . Afterwards we browsed through West Elm, before coming home to watch a tv-movie and lie on the sofa without any guilt whatsoever. It was wonderful. 

Except for the consistent ache I had during the day following our run. I'm strongly starting to consider the belly band for additional support. I don't know what has held me back from purchasing maternity clothes, a belly band and the like. I think I just resent purchasing things that I may or may not use and only then, for a few months yet to come. We just seem to have many more important things to spend our funds on. Like a baby shower! I'm beginning to be excited about the shower which will be a modern afternoon tea at a patisserie downtown. The rest of the baby preparation is really on the back burner until after the house closing date and the move in date 2 weeks after that. Worrying over what brand of car seat to purchase, which clothes we do or don't need and what colour to select for crib sheets will have to wait. There is time enough for it yet. 

We've spend the day getting ready for James' departure tomorrow for his training time with the police. I am painting my nails and getting dinner ready for our last Tuesday together until, well, until around Baby OH's due date! Fortunately he is home on weekends and only returns to training on a Sunday evening. Friday is about to become my most favourite day of the week.

23

A solid 23 weeks in and still no movement! I don't think. Though, we really are so so busy that I could very likely have missed the movement. I have been told by my OB to go to the labour assessment ward this week if necessary, and told by my GP that if I do not feel movement for another 2-3 weeks. So, I'm not really sure what to do. Practically, we are assisting my sister-in-law with moving into her new student spot this weekend and James leaves for London's training next Tuesday. We have one week to prepare for both moves and also to wrap up the legalities of our house closing. Exciting times ahead!

I have been experiencing pretty mild leg cramping over the past couple of months, but on Friday evening my right calf cramped so painfully I cried. At about 4am I grabbed James' arm (I dont know why I thought it would help) while the cramp lasted for seemingly ages. It's actually more severe than the cramping I had from my HellRunner days and I've been limping all day today as a result. I assume that I'm limping due to the cramping on Friday night and not the 5 mile run James and I completed on Saturday morning. Assuming.

I still have not managed to find a suitable location for the baby shower. This is actually causing me quite a bit of grief. It'd be ideal to have it in our house, however, we've decided to have it at a cafe or restaurant for a variety of reasons. Finding something that is "baby shower" appropriate is proving to be very challenging indeed. Oh how I long for Afternoon Tea at Manchester's Lowry Hotel. We had it there the day before the wedding and it was just a wonderful treat. The service was impeccable, the china was fine and the food was ridiculously indulgent and perfectly done. Its shocking to me that Toronto does not have something similar to offer. But I digress...the search is causing me a certain amount of stress. I intend to remedy it this week. Hopefully.

No further updates as yet. Baby OH continues to grow (I can only assume by the swell) and as a sappy  additional note, I'm falling quite in love with this belly.

Twenty 2 and a bit

No photo I am afraid. I cannot take one of myself and we've not had time for James to take one of me. Next week! To be perfectly honest, I am a little bit relieved that there are no photos this week. I really have not felt myself. My bigger belly has made me acutely aware of my "outtie" derriere. I have affectionately referred to it as my African bum, however, the affection has now worn off and I'd rather be less in touch with my African roots at this exact moment. Much. less.

I feel like I'm spending my days waiting for something to happen. Waiting for movement (one and a half weeks to go before I need to visit the assessment ward at the hospital), waiting for James to get his blood work, waiting for my blood work and medication, waiting to find clothes that fit, waiting for the time when someone doesn't look at me in astonishment and proclaim "you're pregnant?!?"

(This becomes more and more insulting with each passing week. No, I do not usually have a belly this size. Yes, I do have wide hips and healthy thighs, no, it does not mean that I have a belly to match. Yes, this is a pregnancy sized bosom. And lastly, no you really shouldn't  have said anything. *sigh*)

As my other blog explained, I'm generally just quite miserable today. I should be rejoicing in being off work and having the freedom to plan and prepare for the house. I have the time to cook my husband a home-made lasagna this evening! I have the time to paint my nails and to write blog posts!

Upon introspection, I think it might be a bit of pregnancy blues. I'll put the to-do list on hold until tomorrow, because its exacerbating my mood. I'll cook dinner, have a cup of tea and paint my nails. Then I will pick my husband up from work, find out what he's been up to in his training. And lastly, I will go to bed early, read my Bible and aim for a solid 8 hours of sleep. Tomorrow is another day, another long TO-DO list and another opportunity to sort out this grouchy demeanour.

Revelations from an OB

Today I was scheduled for my first OB appointment at the hospital. It was...interesting.

But first, again, I have lapsed with the updates and photos. In my defense, we really have been quite busy preparing to move into our house, James started his new job this week and I have been finishing up my time at work. Here is the yay for me part - tomorrow is my last day at work until after maternity leave. I couldn't be more excited. It does make me sound awfully lazy, but it couldn't have come at a better time. My sciatica is starting to cause me grief again, James is on long hours, my work schedule isn't fixed and we are spending a lot of time arranging appointments for contractors in the new house, looking at samples etc etc. It just is a lot more stress than necessary. Oh yes! And of course, the multitude of doctor's appointments involved in pregnancy. So I rejoice at being one short shift away from freedom! Freedom to focus on the other aspects of my life. Hopefully a positive side effect will be more regular workouts for me. I certainly need them!

I stepped on the scale at the doctor's office today and weighed in at a whopping 10lbs gained!! I know I am not a true 10lbs heavier - having just eaten lunch, consumed a litre of water etc before the appointment. The lovely petite nurse raised her eyebrows when the weight flashed up, my sentiments exactly. 

Dr Kanee was professional and quite friendly - which should have quelled my anxiety of having a male doctor, but didn't. After a brief discussion, he inquired about whether I'd felt the baby move - and I haven't. He told me not to feel concerned - which I didn't, until that moment. I've been instructed to visit the assessment unit at the hospital in 2 weeks time if I still haven't felt any movement. Concern - increased.

He then explained the results of my blood tests from the lab - which my awful, horrendously incapable, miserable, unprofessional, unkind doctor neglected to do. (Pregnancy rant: What kind of a doctor receives lab results which require a direct action of the patient in the very near future and does not feel the need to phone, write, email, send a pigeon carrier in order to convey the information?!!?) Where was I? The results: It turns out that my blood type is O negative. O.

Since only 15% of the population have a negative blood type, the chance that James is negative is quite slim. He will be getting his blood tested this week to confirm. This means that I am likely to have a RH positive baby while being RH negative myself. I asked if being RH negative was common, and was told that it was not, but again, that it was not a cause for concern. Concern - increasing in massive succession.

I will have some more testing done in 2 weeks, I will have to have medication at approximately 26weeks and again just before the birth. This will hopefully mean that James and I can have more children in the future. The revelation was followed by a pelvic exam. Joyous. I lay, ungraciously, on the examination table and tried to think on other things. Such as - being RH negative. My eyes welled up out of concern for Baby H, (or O, we haven't decided yet) and our plans for our family. I prayed for peace and God, in His love, answered instantly. It's going to be ok. It is going to be ok. He has known the path of my life all along and He knows the path our family will take. And the health of this baby, and the ability to have more, or the ability to accept not having more, is in His control. And that really does give me peace.

Needless to say, my first appointment with my OB was not a wonderful experience. It could've been worse, but I'm quite certain it could've been much more pleasant.

Stay tuned for Week 22 pics on Saturday. This belly is out of control!

Twenty!

Halfway there now! Its actually starting to become really enjoyable - despite the aches and niggles. I think I look quite obviously pregnant, and so I laughed quite freely at work when more than one person gawked when I told them that I was 5 months along. I don't know whether or not to be offended as their surprise must mean that I usually look a little bit pregnant! I'm sure that I dont usually look pregnant, and content myself with the fact my co-workers just don't look at me that closely.

James and I attended my 20 week ultrasound this past Friday and it was wonderful. I had a little snooze in the dark room while the technician took 40 minutes worth of images. She then brought James in so that we could find out the baby's gender. We were in awe of how much this tiny little thing had changed from the first ultrasound we saw 2 months ago. A tiny little heart beating fast, fingers and toes and a lovely little nose. I became a bit emotional when we saw the baby, heard its heart beating and were fortunate enough to find out the gender without chance of error. That little guy was letting it all hang out - as they say.

Emotionally, I am so pleased and excited for this baby. Physically, I am still dealing with some things, but mostly, I am starting to really bond with our little boy. I know it sounds odd, bonding with something that I don't yet have a relationship with, but I suppose its a evolutionary, innate response to this stage of development. I am amazed at God's wisdom in creating us to have these emotional responses. Truth be told, I am just amazed by the entire process of fertilizing an egg on day X and having a whole human being created in 9 months filled with their very own unique personality. I understand its scientific, but the beauty of it, for me, can only be from God.

Med Update

After a phone call from my (new) doctor's office, I've been given a prescription for some type of antibiotic. I feel quite strongly that avoiding all types of medications, including tylenol and advil during this pregnancy is the safest choice for me. Being told that I have a bacterial infection that can only be cleared with antibiotics does concern me. To be truthful, I was as concerned about the effects of the antibiotics - yes I know they have been cleared for use during pregnancy, but so has aspartame, and tylenol and anti-nausea tablets etc etc - as I was about the infection. And that was before I experienced the side effects of said antibiotic - severe nausea, upset stomach, abdominal cramping and dizziness. Surely there must be another option for clearing up an infection? My word.

Tomorrow morning I have been scheduled for a medical ultrasound and I feel certain that it will be a clear and positive result.

The positive aspect to this miserable situation is that I'm really feeling bolstered by the excellent health care system in Canada. The hospitals are clean and modern, the clinics are clean and efficient and once I'd found a doctor that gave a damn, things started to move along very rapidly. It really eased any anxiety I felt about delivering in a large sterile environment. I actually quite think a large sterile environment will suit me. Especially since there is a gift shop, magazine store, and Second Cup downstairs! We haven't yet seen the newly built delivery and recovery ward but will do at my appointment at the hospital in approximately a month's time.

8teen

Week 18. That belly looks more like a week 24 belly, though, this photo was taken at the end of the day and I'm normally a bit bigger in the evenings than the morning. It's my story and I'm sticking to it. I can't understand why I'm so round so early on, and I keep worrying that it's food related - though, I've still not gained any weight since my first weigh-in with the troll doctor. 

Update on the doctor and the bug. I have found a new doctor and I'm so relieved! She doesn't pander to me but still takes the time to listen to my concerns. Perfect. She was concerned that I had picked up a virus or infection from bacteria while on holiday or on the plane. I've given multiple samples (the most unsavoury kind), been for a blood test, and am currently waiting for a spot to open up for an ultrasound. She listened to the baby's heartbeat as a precaution (and I cried when hearing it this time - the first real emotional response on my part). It was steady but also fast, almost urgent. 

I'm here, I'm working really hard to be healthy and big. I'm here, I'm here!

At 4.5months, I've finally had to give up on the running habit. I am still struggling with my back (leg, foot) injury, but with a belly and the increased release of relaxin in my system, I'm more concerned about further injury and reducing my mobility later on in pregnancy. Do not fear! I continue with my Women's Health workouts, cross training and will swap running for swimming laps.

And before there are anymore requests for this information : no, I have not yet felt any kicking, fluttering or other types of movement. Lots of time for all of that yet!

Bugs

I have found a new doctor! Actually, I have an appointment to meet and greet a new doctor tomorrow. I went to the walk-in clinic today to discuss my aches and pains and they have a part time doctor that is accepting new patients. I am hoping it will be a positive meeting tomorrow.

As it turns out, I have in all likelihood picked up some type of stomach bug. It could've been while on holiday in the Caribbean, or it could've been here at home. The doctor isn't sure what it is but there are pending tests and a precautionary ultrasound that are coming up to determine whether the bug is serious and requires antibiotics, or if my body will sort itself out. I couldn't help but ask if the sharp pains I've been having are any cause for concern over miscarriage. Apparently, as a single symptom, they're not, but its something I've been instructed to keep an eye on in the future. Joyous.

Not that it's dampened my determination to find a suitable venue for a baby shower. I really would like to have afternoon tea at a hotel in Toronto, but I'll have to see if I can manage to make it affordable for the attendees. I just don't know what I'd do otherwise - I've already determined and planned the invitations! Ongoing details to follow.

Seventeen

No preamble required, there is no photo update this week, nor will there be in the coming weeks. Consider that I am someone so non photogenic that posing and posing and posing (these weekly photos require many attempts) actually causes sweat to bead. And arguments between James and I to flair up. He feels his photography skills are inadequate, I feel that you can only do so much with an unflattering subject. Needless to say, today's photo attempt verged on traumatic and so, there will be no more. 

Back to the update. I have spent 2 weeks with various belly aches and pains, though nothing resembling the dreaded cramping I've been wary of. My belly has become a noticeable bump in the past 10 days or so and my appetite is flourishing. The latter is not necessarily a positive development. Though we have been making a good effort with our new fitness commitment and I have only gained 3lbs so far into the pregnancy. 

Our main focus at the moment is finding a new doctor while I wait for my first appointment with an OB at the hospital - which is only happening around 22 weeks. Its proving to be quite difficult but I have been told by the hospital that its essential to have my blood pressure and weight checked. We also need to arrange an ultrasound through a doctor to find out the sex of the baby - woohoo! This is something we are both really looking forward to, though we really do not have a preference. The usual adage of "healthy and well" is true for us as well as most other couples. Though, I did dream last night that we were having a boy, which James takes as positive proof of the fact. Sigh. Boys will be boys. 

Sixteen (and a bit)

I really need to get a handle on these weekly photo updates. My early week 14 and late week 15 pics look like they were taken a month apart. I commit to being on time with my updates as of next week.

Until then, my belly is out! And its a nightmare to dress. I continually feel like I need to "suck it in" and still compare my physique to the women in the gym who are not pregnant. I do not know when my mind will switch gears, but I'm sure that when it does, I'll fall into the neurosis that seems to be so common for my generation. Being neurotic about pregnancy neurosis. Wonderful.

The best tact -yes, I have analysed this and come up with a solution - is to focus on the important stuff. Parenting. To this end I've completed a lovely book which I mentioned in a former blog. It was so eye-opening that I intend to read it cover to cover again - after a short hiatus with something frivolous and easy. Its interesting to me that I've never feared being an inadequate parent, nor that James will be so. But the thought of pregnancy (and the being) has always made me feel disconcerted. I suppose it has to do with the idea that parenting involves a measure of control and decision; whereas, being pregnant involves giving your body over to the development of something entirely foreign for its own benefit, with little to no control. How high my belly sits, when I start to show, whether my hormones make my emotional, spotty or mental are all completely out of my control. Simply, I've become a vessel. And it would seem, that currently, I'm just along for the ride.

Week 16 photo to follow. Tomorrow.

Fifteen (and a bit)

I celebrated reaching 15 weeks because it brought us one step closer to the 4 month mark. Despite the tendency for others to be excited at the 3 month point which signals the end of the 1st trimester, James and I are more excited about 4 months as a milestone. We get to share with everyone that we're going to be parents. Though, judging by my expanding belly, we'd probably have a hard time hiding it when we get back from holiday.  Certainly the belly has been helped along by helpings of freshly baked morning muffins. Today, I'm eating 3. The calorie equivalent of 3 cupcakes, I know. But somehow "muffin" feels like "cupcake without guilt" and since they're freshly baked just for us, it'd be rude to say no. I was raised with manners. 

I finally look pregnant. And it pleases me. I don't know the statistics regarding when women start to "show", but considering that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, I'm just going with the flow! I am excited for the next trimester. I think months 4-6 will be glorious. For those of you who know me, this is not because I am excited to shop. I certainly am not rushing out to purchase any maternity clothing. I'm used to my style of clothing and the way my things belong together. I have had to concede on some articles, but for the most part, I still maintain my own style. I'd like to do so for as long as possible regardless of the size of this belly. 

Uncertainties

A week shy of the 16 week mark and I am fielding anxieties. They mostly revolve around the fear of miscarriage or infection that can lead to birth defects. I had stretching ligament aches and pains which were terrifying until my troll of a doctor brusquely told me it was normal. Today I experienced sharp pain in my upper abdomen and rushed to babycenter.ca to find out that it's likely caused by indigestion. Ah. Yes of course! How foolish of me. Indigestion. This evening I have aching in my lower abdomen. I'm hoping its caused by stretching ligaments again as I am starting to advance from food baby to baby baby. 


I am due to have my second round of blood work when we return home after our holiday. Its to determine if I have any markers. I've had mixed advice about whether or not to get the results of the test. I do however understand the dilemma it would cause for James and I if the blood work does show markers.

The uncertainties that come with pregnancy (especially a first) are usual and expected. While I don't find them consuming, they linger persistently. I do take comfort in God's timing, His wisdom and knowing that most women have healthy babies on a daily basis. But the unknown is scary. And my own voice of reason is consistently quiet where this pregnancy is concerned. The only recourse is to celebrate the weeks as they pass and hope.

Fourteen

I know that I'm approximately 36hours shy of officially being 14 weeks along, but some days are just not good days for photos and since I'll be working early on Saturday, today seemed a perfect opportunity for the first of the pregnancy photos.

Unfortunately, I have no idea how much weight I've gained since I've avoided stepping on a scale in over 6 weeks but judging by the rump in this photo, its a fair bit. Error in judgement? Almost certainly. I really must get a bathroom scale. Recently I had to purchase a pair of pants that are a size up from my regular size. In the far corner of my mind I knew that it was a mistake to go for a bigger size, but I was overcome by the relief of being comfortable again. This has got to stop. The words "comfort" and "relief" have never been synonymous with the words "fashionable" or "chic" or "well put together".

Solution? I've purchased the The Womens Health Big Book of Excercises that has a variety of workouts (with the various positions explained and pictured) including a prenantal workout which varies according to your trimester. I shall be be starting that this afternoon. AND (yes, there is more - I'm not really one for doing anything in half stages) I've been reading a wonderful book called Bringing Up Bebe which has some excellent information on staying trim (or getting trim) the French way. No bread during the week? No lattes? No problem! (I can have bread on the weekend - it says so!) I've also sworn off any larger sizes of anything - except maybe bras. Ummm, and shoes. I bought these classic wedges today in a size bigger so that I can wear them all summer long regardless of potential swelling or discomfort.

And so, with week 14 under my belt - ha, what a great unintentional pun - I am about to enter the "most comfortable of the three trimesters" with "renewed energy", "reduced nausea" and the excitement that comes with being able to finally share the information with others.

What to Expect When You're Expecting

*Disclaimer*
This is a boring blog post if you are not: a) Pregnant, b) Female, c) A mother, or d) Ridiculously interested in the tiny details that are experienced by all pregnant women.


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Hunger, nausea, fatigue, mood swings, anxiety, elation, sensitive sense of smell, bigger breasts (hormones), bigger thighs (ice cream) etc etc. Prenatal media is bursting at its seams with information on the variety of symptoms to expect during the 9 month development a woman faces. One consistent piece of information is that all pregnancies are unique as each woman is unique.

So imagine my surprise when I started to experience exactly what I was told to expect. Two weeks of crippling nausea has abated to months of indeterminate nausea, fatigue as I've never experience before and the rest. I seem to have dodged the mad mood swings and odd cravings. I crave watermelon, hot water with lemon and toast. I crave salt and usually satisfy this craving with Marmite, or Pringles or fries. Poor choices considering I'm craving salt, not Pringles nor fries. The main issue is that the smell of cooking food causes me to lose my appetite entirely and so I've simply had to stop cooking.

The rest of the changes are mundane, though, my "evening baby" amuses me. My stomach is normal when I wake up (fairly flat with a bit of flab) but when evening rolls around, I have a very clear firm baby belly. I know that it's probably bloating, but an obvious belly excites me. I'm sure the novelty will wear off when I no longer wake up with a flat belly. I reckon I have about 2 or 3 more weeks before I can't hide it any longer. Which also excites me.

Length of time until we publicly share the big news: 2.5 weeks. Joy!

An introduction

I am roughly 13 weeks pregnant. 13 weeks! Already! Pretty exciting things are happening in our family. We found out at 6 weeks and managed to keep it a secret from our family for 2. We've just been for our first ultrasound - a much more rewarding experience for my husband than it was for me. I was tickled by the way it moves around with abandon. floating. Which makes sense I suppose. I was disappointed to have not heard the heartbeat, but my husband seemed to find the whole experience very grounding. It made me really happy to see him so excited.

I think that I'll start doing the photo advancement which is so common. Its a great idea really. I'll start it this week while my stomach is still relatively flat. Though it'll have to be in the morning because usually by dinner time, I am quite distended. I have heard that this is normal. Though, I have heard many things thus far and have decided that the best option moving forward is to just go with the flow. Too much information can be a bad thing for those of us who scrutinize every tidbit down to its last fibre.

Anywho - the intro blog is done I suppose. I will add more about the experience and my feelings, but, I think it can wait until the next blog when I'm feeling more energetic. In the interim - here's a ultrasound image. Its so tiny!